Just a little CF bathroom humor this morning. I was thinking of what a friend of mine said the other day when he returned after an extended period in the bathroom. Not long after, I headed for the same destination. He hung his head, chuckled and advised me to avoid the area for as long as possible. Apparently, as he reported, had just suffered "An Event." I chose to use their other potty!
It reminded me of the issues that every CF family experiences. When Holly was diagnosed and in the hospital, even the nurses held their noses when they came in our room as they insisted on examining each diaper. I advocate hazardous duty pay for anyone who's assigned that job.
When we started a parents' support group, we all laughed at the gross topics that became common in our discussions. We were surprised when subjects normally considered inappropriate in polite company became common in our midst. We never expected to discuss our children's poop: floaters, sinkers or just a film of fat coating the surface of the water. But we learned that poop provided a great deal of important information we needed to pay attention to.
Thinking about the unique digestive issues that people with CF experienced caused my, admittedly, a little off-kilter mind to consider solutions to these frequent bathroom Events. I came up with, what I think, is a brilliant solution.
The ideal CF bathroom would open with an airlock door and contain a television right in front of the toilet, complete with surround sound and a stereo for the occupant's entertainment. Of course, a library filled with favorite books would be close by as well.
Now I got the next idea from observing the precautions hospitals take for extremely contagious diseases. The bathroom would be vented outside as fresh air is pumped in. An automatic fragrance dispenser would spritz a gentle fresh scent as needed.
Of course, rather than the usual toilet, this one would have a padded seat and back, complete with head and arm rests for the occupant's comfort. It would be fitted with jets that that would very gently spritz warm water at the touch of a button, similar to a bidet. A discreet container matching the room's decor would hold soothing creams or gels to use after the completion of An Event.
The door to the room would boast a carefully calligraphed sign saying: "Enter" or "Enter at your own risk," and CF families would live happily and odor-free ever after.
Sunday, August 25, 2013
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